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How To Effectively Manage Your Anxiety

  • Writer: Sarah
    Sarah
  • Apr 6, 2021
  • 17 min read





Anxiety is a very complex thing to put into words as is experienced differently by different people. The best way I can describe it is that it is a feeling of dread, nervousness, worry and fear but one that not only is experienced mentally but is usually very physical too. It is most often irrational, but at times it can be useful, which is why we have it. Everyone will feel anxiety at some stage in doses of varying quantities but some will experience it more frequently than others and it can become overwhelming. This is when we call it a problem and often feel like we need to seek help of a therapist or at least see a doctor. There are many different types of anxiety and anxiety disorders including health anxiety, travel anxiety, social anxiety and generalised anxiety disorder. This post will hopefully give you some tips that can be applied to all kinds. Having experienced more than my fair share of anxiety symptoms , I have tried many different ways to relieve it. I realised now, that I have multiple tools that I have used effectively over the years and rather than just keeping them to myself, I thought I would put them together in a post to help you too. I know that all these things have helped me to some degree. Just remember that we are all different and there are different things that trigger anxiety. I have far too many triggers to list, but a couple of them are feeling unwell and certain social situations. Anxiety is something that is hard to understand if you have never experienced it in a problematic way before. I believe that it really became a problem for me when I started to have health issues, triggered by food sensitivities and also because I was going through what I now know to have been undiagnosed inattentive ADHD. Chronic or problematic anxiety can often be caused by an underlying issue so it is really important to see a doctor or a therapist to rule anything else out.


As someone who has been in a very dark place of anxiety before many times, I can honestly say that you will be able to cope, just as you always have, but you will learn to do that better I promise. I believe in you.


If you do suffer with anxiety, whatever the trigger, the best thing you can do, as cliched as it sounds, is become friends with it and welcome it into your life. When it arises say, 'I see you and I welcome you' and see what happens. So, if you like, grab a pen and paper and jot down what I have to say. These aren't just hacks that you see whilst scrolling through your Pinterest. They are tried and tested.


As soon as you notice you feel weird or off, say to yourself, ‘I am feeling ..... and it is okay.’ Acknowledging the feeling and allowing it to be will prevent it from escalating. This will help you especially if you experience panic attacks. Often when we feel anxious, we have a difficult time rationalising the racing thoughts inside of us. The physical symptoms make it feel very real and even more scary but they are just the side effects of your subconscious mind and do not need to be feared themselves. I know this is way easier said than believed!


Once you have recognised that you are feeling anxious, begin to talk to yourself reassuringly. Pretend you are talking to someone else who is experiencing anxiety. Tell yourself how proud you are that you are remaining in this anxiety provoking situation (if you feel you must stay) and how strong you are for doing so. Now it is time to try out some tools. There are two different ways to deal with anxiety. You can try to take care of yourself enough to prevent it from happening. Trust me, this won’t stop it entirely but it will help a lot. The other way is to find comfort within it when you feel it.


PART ONE: HOW TO PREVENT ANXIETY IN THE FIRST PLACE


Health


In my own experience, you can prevent anxiety by living a healthy lifestyle that best suits you. I find it incredibly hard to look after myself but it is something that I keep trying at. You’ve heard all of this before but eating healthy, exercising and having a healthy sleeping routine does work wonders but preventing anxiety through a healthy lifestyle goes far beyond these basic things. Finding ways to relax regularly such as yoga, meditation and taking baths will make a huge difference. Even if you find these things boring, you can find a way to make them work for you. Keeping in a routine may be important for you too. If I start to slip out of a routine, I can find myself more anxious than when I sick to one. Having a little morning and evening ritual will ensure that you stay in routine.


Find Your Happy


Maintaining healthy relationships, having passions and interests, setting boundaries, putting yourself first, having a good relationship with money, finding meaning and purpose, working through your emotions properly and being kind and patient with yourself are also really important for your wellbeing. Make time for yourself and put your happiness first. If you are coming up with excuses right now then I urge you to rethink what is most important in your life. What are the things that do make you feel good? Do more of them.


Triggers


We all have triggers, which are things that set off the anxiety in the first place and trigger all kinds of negative thought patterns and physical symptoms. If you go to see some kind of counsellor they will go through this with you but it's not accessible for everyone and not everyone likes the idea of this. If you cannot see one, then you could to pick up a cognitive behaviour therapy workbook from amazon (such as this one). Our triggers can range from little things such as lack of sleep, feeling trapped and confrontation to bigger things such as going on an airplane or having to do a presentation at work or school. There are so many different things that could trigger you into feeing anxious, and that is why I cannot talk about them all here. In fact, the things that have triggered me, may be completely different to the things that have triggered you. I will, however, say that it is possible to reduce the effects of these triggers but it does take work. We often avoid situations that will lead us to more anxiety and in some cases this is okay such as avoiding a crowded place or making sure you get enough sleep. However, it is not okay to avoid leaving your house at all. That is when you know you need to get some serious professional help.


Prior Planning


My planning skills are far from perfect but I worked on them in order to improve my anxiety. I made sure that I got ready early before an event and the same went for going to work every morning. Rushing around never helps anxiety. However, there is a more important reason why planning is important and that is to get into a better frame of mind and to reduce anxiety before entering a triggering situation. Sometimes this can backfire and you end up worrying instead, but most of the time I find this crucial. Doing certain things such as taking a bath whilst listening to calming music, repeating positive phrases in your head in order to convince your subconscious mind that everything will be okay (because it will), listening to binaural beats (just type it in on YouTube) and doing a guided meditation will all help you to feel prepared. Just having another voice telling you that things will be okay is enough and sometimes you will need something more. Sometimes exercising and taking a walk will help too - I say sometimes because at one stage walking outside and even exercising were panic inducing for me. Making sure that you know where the exits and the toilets of a building are might really help you as well as making sure that you know exactly where you are going and that you have given yourself plenty of time for an appointment or meeting. If something really big is coming up, you may want to make sure that you meditate every day for a week prior and leave the day before completely free so you can do something that will help calm you. There are lots of other ways to reduce anxiety with planning but I am already covering a lot of things on this post so I will not go to overboard. Do your own research and think ahead.


PART TWO: WHAT TO DO WHEN FEELING ANXIOUS (FIRST AID)


Change Environments


When I am feeling anxious my thoughts are often based around getting out of where I am and to going somewhere where I feel comfortable and safe. This isn’t always easy to do. I don’t believe that exposing yourself to anxiety inducing situations regularly is always good for you. Sometimes, it is essential to overcoming an irrational fear to stay in the situation for as long as necessary but sometimes it will just keep stressing you out and the feel will just increase until you have sweat pouring down your neck and you end up feeling incredibly unwell. Sometimes I will be completely fine in a crowded place and other times, for example if I am really tired and hungry, I will want to get out of there as soon as I can. The anxiety I feel in this situation is not completely irrational because my body is trying to tell me something - that I need rest and food. At times I will wade through the anxiety for a few more minutes to prove to myself that I can withstand it but other times I will recognise that being here will just make me feel worse and I care about myself too much to put myself through any more suffering.

If I am feeling anxious at night I will sometimes sit outside and feel the cool air. It’s dark and quiet and peaceful and this helps me with racing thoughts. If I am at work or somewhere public, I might go to the toilet. Whilst here I try to comfort myself with words and just breathe deeply. If I am not too far from my car I will often retreat there. I breathe deeply here too and try to listen to sounds instead of my thoughts.

Come up with a list of ‘safe places’ for you to go. I find it overwhelming when I feel anxious and I am around people but others feel better when they are not alone. Find what works for you.


Ground Yourself


Most of the suggestions in this section are based around finding ways to comfort yourself. It is really difficult for many of us to comfort ourselves and this could be caused by many different reasons, all of which aren’t that important. The important part, however, is learning how to comfort yourself.


Anxiety can have us feeling lightheaded and dizzy, which lead us to feeling out of control. To gain some control in these moments, allow yourself to feel grounded in whatever situation you are in. Feel your feet on the ground and the pull of gravity. If you can, take a seat or lean against something. If possible, hug your knees into your chest and remind yourself that you are safe.


Meditation


This is a huge topic to cover so I will try my best to keep it simple. Meditation is simply the act of being present and letting everything be, just as it is. You do not have to be religious or even spiritual to practice meditation. You also don’t have to wear yoga pants, be a hippy or sit in the lotus position on the top of the hill to feel the benefits of meditation. You do not even have to be struggling in the moment. It is for everyone. There are many different forms that include yoga nidra (please look this up on YouTube if you don’t know what it is - it is wonderful and like having a deep rest without actually sleeping - and I say it is like a bath without the water), walking meditation, sitting meditation, mindfulness and can include activities such as gardening. Just being present and letting your thoughts be is the key. The benefits list is long and proven. Some of the benefits that I have experienced include more focus, fulfilment, comfort and a deep sense of peace.

Guided meditations are a good start but I am just going to share one practice that I have been doing regularly. I like to change it up depending on how well it is working for me, how interested I am and how often and intensely I feel that I need or want to do it.

  1. Sit down on the sofa, in a chair or on the floor. I prefer sitting on the sofa, with my back supported. For me, being comfortable helps me to feel safer and protected. I sometimes also have a blanket or something warm on or around me to feel warm and cosy.

  2. Place your hands on your heart, one on top of the other. This is something I have added more recently to feel more connected to myself and again, safe.

  3. Keep your eyes open at first and overtime begin to look down and blur them out until you are comfortable with keeping them closed. It isn’t essential that you have them closed, especially at first.

  4. Focus on these three things without judgement: the sounds around you, the sensations inside your body and your breathing. If your breathing is shallow then start to deepen it. If you find any of these anxiety inducing, for example you may be uncomfortable with the sensation of your heart beating, just try to sit with it and be aware of that discomfort without trying to judge. After a few practices your discomfort over these things will fade away. That is the beauty of meditation - you are teaching your mind to become at peace with the discomfort, hence why we call meditation a practice.

  5. If you wish, you can hold your hands over any tightness or discomfort, tell yourself that you recognise it and it is okay that it feels that way. Your hands in this area will feel comforting. When you have a stomach ache you probably hold your stomach with your arms and this works in the same way.

  6. At first, try meditation for just five minutes. You do not need to set an alarm and it is okay to look at the clock every few minutes. Then try to build it up if you like. I often find that 5 minutes in the morning before work helps a great deal for prevention but 10 to 15 minutes works best for me.

If you have never meditated before, you may find it hard at first. Apps such as Headspace are a great way to begin because they take the work out of it. You just need to listen. When I first began meditating my mind my thoughts were driving me crazy and I felt dizzy when I closed my eyes. That’s why I say to ease into it by blurring your eyes first. You are focused less on what you see this way, without having them fully closed.


When you are feeling anxious during the day and aren’t in a place you can meditate, try to bring that comforting feeling back that you felt whilst meditating. Placing your hands over your heart again will help. Over time, this will become easier to do.

Another great way to meditate is by experiencing a sound bath. I have been lucky enough to have experienced two of these at the yoga studio that I go to but you can find many for free on YouTube. The ones with crystal bowls are my favourite. Click here to try it out.


Body scan


This is something that I learned in my yoga class, whilst doing yoga nidra, which is why I feel the best way to learn how to do a body scan for meditation purposes is to try out a nidra practice. There are so many on YouTube and it might be beneficial for you to use earphones. You can even do it lying in bed. Basically, you focus on one area of the body at a time. So start at your left hand thumb, second finger, third finger…palm of the hand…elbow etc and just work your way around the whole of your body. When you focus on each part of the body, it tingles and relaxes. It is truly amazing and a wonderful practice. Practice it when you aren’t feeling anxious and then begin incorporating it when you are. One thing that a therapist wanted me to do was to tighten a muscle really hard and then release it. This NEVER worked for me. To me, this wasn’t relaxing but a body scan doesn’t involve any effort so it worked well for me.


Distract yourself


If you like, you can distract yourself with your favourite movie. Yes, you may read everywhere that you shouldn’t distract yourself from your feelings but sometimes you just really want a break from them and if distracting yourself is the only way to stop you from becoming overwhelmed or burning out then do it! I have been doing this for years. Once you have taken time out from your mind, you can get back to addressing the anxiety afterwards. It can be really comforting to do something that you did as a child, or something that a child would do. Watching a lighthearted movie such as Disney or a lighthearted comedy will probably help you to feel better. I personally have a little ritual that whenever I feel ill, which often triggers my anxiety, I put FRIENDS on the TV and bring the duvet or a blanket onto the sofa and curl up and watch that. Duvets or weighted blankets are great for anxiety sufferers. If you are not home, distract yourself by really thinking in detail about the things that are around you or play a little game in your head. One thing that I used to do was to go through the alphabet and for each letter come up with a movie title.


Type in ‘binaural beats for anxiety’ on YouTube, Spotify, iTunes or whatever streaming/download source you use and listen to them whenever you want to feel less anxious. These are proven to help anxiety and I listen to them a lot. Make sure you don’t play them whilst driving though. The song ‘Weightless’ by Marconi Union has been called the most relaxing song in the world. I use it regularly to get to sleep when my mind is racing. I recommend you check it out. You can listen to it by clicking here.


Make cards


As I said earlier, rationalising the anxiety can be really difficult. Sometimes it is a good idea to have a little list of things to help you through it. Use the notes section on your phone or credit card sized piece of card that fits in your wallet and write a few things down that will help you. I have compiled a list of things if you can’t think of any for yourself. See what works for you. It can be things to do, affirmations or other words and phrases that help you feel better. Whenever you feel anxious, take out your phone or the card and read it over. If you are in public a phone works great. The card can come in handy in a bathroom or if you aren’t home. Maybe you could make a more in depth one for when you are at home. I used to carry around a mini note book but I think the card idea would work better.


Words and phrases:

I am safe

I live in peace.

May I feel confident and at ease

I trust that everything will turn out well

I have gotten through this before many times and I will get through it again

With every breath, I release the anxiety within me and I become more and more calm.


Nature


Forest bathing has changed my life. You don't even need to make it super formal and in fact you can call it nature bathing or nature connection and do it in your back garden or even by a plant in a window sill! Be creative with it but most of all be mindful.


Take a bath


When I was going through the worst with my anxiety, I would take a bath every single night and it really helped. There's something comforting about being covered in hot water to me. I make it better with natural soaps that smell so lovely and candles to make it even better.


Change Your Mind


Your thoughts literally create your reality. It often feels like our thoughts control us but in reality we can be in control of our conscious thoughts and we influence our subconscious thoughts. There is so much information online about this so I just want to give you a few resources that you can use as I am not in a place where I feel that I can explain this well, just yet. Louise Hay was an incredible woman who changed her life and the lives of many others with affirmations. Her work is incredible and I definitely recommend you check out her books or do a YouTube search and see if it is something you are interested in. The books by Eckhart Tolle are also amazing and insightful. You can change your thought patters by using CBT. If you cannot afford to see a professional, there are many workbooks on amazon such as this one, that have great reviews.


Be guided by love not fear


I don't know if this will help you or not! But making decisions from a rational place or a heart centred place over a fearful one really helps me.


Comfort yourself


This looks different to everyone. Curl up in your duvet on the sofa and put on an old movie that you love. Watch something that gives you a feeling of nostalgia or warmth. Stroke a furry friend. Sit by a fire. There are a hundred ways to comfort yourself so find something that works for you and do it when you are feeling anxious. Try to think outside the box. One thing that comforts me is to go to a museum I am familiar with.


Writing


You don’t necessarily have to journal every night, but writing down your thoughts can be extremely beneficial. It can be hard to do keep to legible sentences whilst your mind feels so panicked so the best way to release the thoughts is to allow them just to pour out of you, without them even making sense. Carry around a little notebook and pen when you are out and use a regular notebook or even a computer when you are at home. I often write really random things down. It isn’t like you are going to save your notes to read through ten years later. If you can keep it up and enjoy doing this, then do it more regularly to prevent anxiety but if not, then just do it when you feel anxiety coming on. Afterwards, you will be thankful you did this and your brain will feel emptier.


Waking Up At Night


Anxiety can strike you in the middle of the night and can be quite terrifying. Having something that you do every time it happens will help you. This rarely happens to me anymore but when it did I would often be too scared to get out of bed so I would distract myself with a mindless game on my phone and take deep breaths before trying to sleep again. They probably aren’t the best solutions but they worked for me. If you struggle with sleep, just focus completely on your breathing or do a body scan. These two things work great for me.


Taking your time to get into the right mindset before an event. Sometimes you will need to just really push yourself to do something but most of the time you will have a chance to prepare. Always get up early to get you into the right mindset.


Take small steps


It was only recently that I realised what this meant. No matter how bad your anxiety gets, you are always moving forward even if it really doesn’t feel like it. Just doing one little thing such as telling someone you don’t feel well or giving yourself a hug will help you begin on an upwards spiral. Trust me, anything positive or comforting will begin to help you, no matter how simple it is. The small steps count the most.


See the good in every situation


This is probably the hardest tool that I can give you but the most rewarding, so I have saved it for last. There is good in every moment, even if it is just the fact that you are feeling anxiety because you are alive. This is one of those small steps that will begin to change your perspective on anxiety. I haven’t seen many people talk about this but I have felt it myself. As soon as I began slowly changing my perspective, my anxiety reduced considerable and I started to see it differently. I was less afraid and had more trust that things would be okay.


With these tools in your belt, you can be sure to cope so much better with anxiety. Ultimately, it is always about finding out what works for you and it will not take long until you do. If you are really struggling then please go and see your doctor. Therapy helps as does medication. I understand that medication is a route many of us would avoid and in fact you can be anxious about taking medication in the first place, especially because of side effects. I felt this way too and never wanted to be taking medication but I felt as though I should not rule it out and it has helped me lots and I cannot believe how much better my life has become. There's a lot of conditions that anxiety crops up in from OCD to ADHD or Autism, so consider how much of a problem your anxiety is and whether you should see a psychiatrist.


Other things to try:

Weighted blanket

Heated blanket

Hot water bottles

Crafting of any kind

Painting - can even just be painting in colouring book pages!

Puzzles

Listen to binaural beats or calming music



RESOURCES: make tiny urls

Decent CBT workbook: https://tinyurl.com/ychzm59w

Weightless by Marconi Union (the most relaxing song in the world - use this to sleep): https://tinyurl.com/kr58bb8



 
 
 

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